The Parents We Mean to Be How Well–Intentioned Adults Undermine Children's Moral and Emotional Development

Harvard psychologist Richard Weissbourd argues incisively that parents-not peers, not television-are the primary shapers of their children's moral lives. And yet, it is parents' lack of self-awareness and confused priorities that are dangerously undermining children's development.
Through the author's own original field research, including hundreds of rich, revealing conversations with children, parents, teachers, and coaches, a surprising picture emerges. Parents' intense focus on their children's happiness is turning many children into self-involved, fragile conformists.
The suddenly widespread desire of parents to be closer to their children-a heartening trend in many ways-often undercuts kids' morality. Our fixation with being great parents-and our need for our children to reflect that greatness-can actually make them feel ashamed for failing to measure up. Finally, parents' interactions with coaches and teachers-and coaches' and teachers' interactions with children-are critical arenas for nurturing, or eroding, children's moral lives.
Weissbourd's ultimately compassionate message-based on compelling new research-is that the intense, crisis-filled, and profoundly joyous process of raising a child can be a powerful force for our own moral development.